Dangerous Play & Sanctification
by Jon Huff
I recently drove to our old stomping grounds to watch my son Nolan play a basketball game. Traveling for sports is new to us, but is quickly becoming a regular rhythm. Walking to the car after the game we began to reminisce about milestones. Becky and I had served at this Christian school and church for five years. It was all Nolan knew up until his 4th birthday. It was the place we started a family, dealt with sickness, and where Nolan learned to play, dangerously.
Ellen Beate Hansen Sandseter, an early childhood researcher and professor at Queen Maud University calls dangerous play, “the type of play devoid of intense hovering.” Also known as “freestyling,” it is just allowing kids to explore, be kids, and suffer the consequences of their decisions.
“Peter Gray, a psychologist and researcher at Boston College who has studied how children educate themselves through play and exploration, argues that opportunities for children to play outside with other children have decreased over the last 60 years, leading to rising rates of anxiety and depression among children and adolescents.”[i] Studies in 2012 revealed that 1 out of 3 children struggle with anxiety. Unsurprisingly, new studies are showing closer to 2 out of every 3 children struggle with anxiety. There are numerous factors that we’ll discuss in other articles, but consider this:
What if a piece of the puzzle is the way we play?
Dangerous play improves a child’s confidence. At seven years old conquering a tall tree can feel like conquering the world. Independently baking cupcakes has its own rewards. It improves resilience, risk management. Life is nerve-wracking, maybe it’s ok for our play to be nerve-wracking as well. If children can learn how to handle difficult situations with minimal adult help when they are younger they are more apt to be able to handle difficult and stressful situations when they are adults.
Obviously, dangerous play has its limits and must be closely supervised. Last week we “played” with rifles while deer hunting in Alabama, but we didn’t start there…. We started in the parking lot we now nostalgically walk through.
Nolan pointed to the far corner of the property. He cheerfully recalled, “I remember learning to ride my bike there.” Clearly Becky and I remembered, but we were shocked Nolan remembered. It was nine years ago and at the time he was three years old. I remember his repeated spills on the soccer field and feeling his confidence grow as he finally found success. I remember facing the hard asphalt and then sprinting across the parking lot as I released his little bicycle seat.
But this was just the beginning. Between training wheels and deer hunting, we’ve had spills (a broken arm and occasional blood). And honestly, we’re all better for it. We chose to let both of our children climb too high, ride too fast, and play too hard. Why? Because soon he needs to climb out of our basement and independently face the challenges of life.
Adolescent specialists now say that adolescence, on average, extends to 30 years old. Something’s got to change…
We weren’t made to live in the basement!
We were made to fulfill the incredibly big and potentially dangerous vision of the Great Commission and it’s difficult to do so from your basement! The disciples risked life and limb to see the gospel grow rapidly in the book of Acts from a small handful to worldwide impact.
We didn’t talk about dangerous play growing up. Naturally, I’m probably overly cautious by nature. But I observed my dad. As a church planter, he repeatedly loaded up his family and seemingly blindly rolled into a new city. It was dangerous, it was hard, but the fruit remains to this day. Healthy churches were birthed and families were generationally and eternally changed due to his “dangerous play.” I don’t believe it was dangerous to him. He was born during the Great Depression when life was full of risk. He risked much over his 40+ years of planting and pastoring and we’re all thankful he did.
Solomon had it right in Psalm 127:3-4. He says:
“Sons are indeed a heritage from the Lord, children, a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the sons born in one's youth.”
Solomon wasn’t shooting for the SEC school of their choice. Solomon was preparing to launch a man. Often in adolescence, we spend more time building resumes than building men. We aim at SAT scores, travel sports, scholarships, dance, chorus, and every other extracurricular activity. The goal is not happy, safe children. The goal is to prepare a godly man or woman to become an adult. Specifically, an adult who is concerned most with bringing God glory. He was preparing to launch warriors. The very nature of Solomon's illustration is a weapon. These children should be prepared to take on the world and watch the king’s back as he aged. Though small now, one day a quiver full of godly men and women will protect the interests of the family.
Don’t be afraid to let your children play. One specialist recommends you wait and watch for 17 seconds before inserting yourself. Put the phones down and climb something. Now I’m not willing to die on the dangerous play hill. It’s not primary to your child’s sanctification and there are some dangers we don’t play with. As parents, we don’t play with sin. We don’t allow margin for sexual immorality. There are areas we must protect, shield and even shelter.
But, the target is not how we play.
The target is raising an army of arrows ready to storm hell for the glory of God.
Solomon made mistakes, I make mistakes (daily) and so will you. But there is no reward without risk. Nothing ventured nothing gained. What are you shooting for?
References
[i] Caron, C. (2020, July 21). Risky play encourages resilience. The New York Times. Retrieved January 10, 2022, from https://www.nytimes.com/2020/07/21/parenting/risky-play.html
ii Sando, O. J., Kleppe, R., & Sandseter, E. B. (2021). Risky play and children’s well-being, involvement and physical activity. Child Indicators Research, 14(4), 1435–1451. https://doi.org/10.1007/s12187-021-09804-5
